This is my life; it's ending one minute at a time......And what do I have to show for it?

*le shrug*

Slightly depressing note to start with. But yeh. Tis a good and truthful quote, can't deny that.

I learnt a few more things on bass today including some more Nirvana and Feeder.

I went to school. (Obviously.) I mucked around, spent a lot of time daydreaming during lessons (basically, I didn't learn a freakin thing) listened to some music, hung around the huts at break and lunch....

It was just the usual. Nothing special. 

I've attempted to sort out my work experience. I think, if I get any of the three options I've put down, I'll be kinda happy. So no worries there, hopefully, unless someone refuses to take me on, lmfao. 

But yeh. I drew a little drawing of Taylor standing behind an emo-ish Dave, with his arms wrapped around him. It's kinda cute actually, but not particularly amazing, considering I'm not an artist or anything. Wish I had the talent for that stuff though. But I'm more of a writer. Dave's shirt has 'Taylor's' printed across it. It so goes with the effect, right? lol.

Looking forward to Saturday. Free time to spend hanging around with a mate and playing guitars and whatever. Got science C/W to do, but really can't be asked. I'm getting worried; I'm becoming more of a slacker these days than I ever was before. And no matter how much I pressure myself into doing work, I never manage to. It's like...I'm constantly blank when it comes to school. I can't snap out of it either. 

Heh. But it's a Wednesday tomorrow. Which also means Drama. Whoop!

*just wishes for week to go faster*

I feel kinda proud of myself; like I've achieved something, ya know?

As soon as I got home today, I picked up my bass and randomly got used to the feel of it, before flicking on the internet, and it kinda led to me finding some bass tabs online...

A few hours later, I'm still holding my bass plugged into this amp I've borrowed from my cousin, and I'm learning parts of the bass on Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit, and I've learnt the beginning of Another One Bites The Dust - Queen. 

My fingers seriously fucking hurt now, and so does my left arm. But, seriously, I'm grinning from ear to ear. The aching isn't anything compared to the satisfaction of being able to recognise a tune you're playing, or whatever, lol. Since I've never played a bass before in my life; this is pretty fucking cool.

I can't get enough of playing it now, but my parents forced me to put it down, since they knew I'd been on it since school, and I hadn't touched any hw. XD Awesomeness.

But, bleh. My dad emailed the person who sold us the kit, and I'm getting a complete replacement for everything tomorrow sometime. I mean- yeah, I knew that the guitar was kinda chipped and stuff, I didn't care. But I feel attatched to it now. I'm weird, I know. Guess it won't really matter anyways.

And yeh, science today was hell. Coursework. Already. It's completely non-understandable. Just as French is. And maths. And every other boring subject like that. The only good thing was drama, and that only lasted an hour. 

*thoughts keep drifting back to bass* 

I'm gonna keep on talking to my bestest chum and read a few fics. XD  They both help with everything, lol.

ITS HERE....


*dances*


I finally have it. My best chum was there with me when I got it, so MWAHA, the special moment was shared. Gawd, I nearly fucking lost my right arm carrying the whole box with the amp and guitar and all the kit inside, but hey, a dead arm for a few hours isn't so bad compared to what I get out of it.

A BASS GUITAR.

It's shiny, it's black, and most importantly; ITS MINE. XD

I guess I am slightly pissed off though. It's got a dent and a chip (they're really small though) on it's sides, which it shouldn't really have, but I don't give a fuck, because all guitars have scratches or whatever; its like a sign showing that it's yours. If I get better at playing, I can always get a new guitar anyway. This is only for starters, neh? LOL.

But yeh, my dad's pissed off about that, but not as much as the fact that the 20 watt amp doesn't work for some reason. I'm not letting him send back the guitar, because it's mine, but he's gonna send back the amp and get a replacement, which is totally fine by me. It's weird, because the person who sold us it has practically a whole inbox full of recommendations and good messages from other buyers. I'm just gonna blame the post office. Dunno why; I just wanna. 

My guitars name is Kurt. I guess you people can get who I named it after. LOL. I shouldn't really name my guitar anyways, but I was bored....and it seemed like a funny idea, so yeh. 

But yeh, moving on to other things; I'm dreading tomorrow when I have to act as a photographer. BO-RING. Plus, I totally don't know how to act like one. I guess I can wing it.

Aaaand, I am pretty happy with all the pics and stickers and posters I got out of the last issue of Kerrang. Awesomeness. Most of the stuff is up on my walls now, lol.

....Get this; I even missed Hollyoaks just so I could randomly get used to the feel of the bass and attempt playing it. *nods* Looking forward to tomorrow after school, then I can practise for longer, lol.

It's not even Monday yet, and I can already feel myself drowning in the uneasy stressfulness that is school. It's like an endless abyss of homework and coursework and teachers and chavs. I mean; what the fuck? 

I really wish I didn't have to deal with it. Seriously. Anything to get out of this hell would be an amazing offer, but ya know, things like school I guess I have to put up with until I leave. 

I've spent the majority of today doing my effing homework. I'm a slacker, I guess. I leave stuff until the last minute, because I'm too focused on music or reading to be bothered to put any real effort into stuff. It makes me feel really guilty, but things always turn out all right in the end, so the system works, obviously.

I had a mate of mine stay over last night. We spent the day out at the cinema, watching Superbad. Love that movie, lol. It was so heading towards a very slashy ending, but kind of cut off at the last minute, which sucked. It was still pretty hilarious though.

We got back to mine and watched Dead Silence as well. Fucking evil clowns and dolls. That was honestly, a freaky movie. The Chucky movies were never scary, but the dolls in this frickin movie were. Gawd, we had a laugh about it afterwards, but maaaaan, I've always had a fear of china dolls and that only enhanced it. I spent most of the night staring at the door, half expecting to wake up and find some doll at the end of my bed. Awesome. XD

I'm getting my bass soon. I'm not gonna shut up about it until I get it, ya know. *hyperventilates* I just hope it's everything I want. My mum had the nerve to state that 'bass guitarists have no talent and are only the backing in songs, and she's never heard a bass solo before, so what's the point in trying to learn it?'  I think I stared at her with an open mouth for at least 5 minutes in shocked silence before suddenly pushing the RHCP's album (Blood Sugar Sex Magik) into her hands, and telling her to listen to Suck My Kiss. 

She doesn't listen to many good bands or whatever anyway, so I either ignore her or yell at her. She has no clue about what she's talking about.

Yep, I finally have one on the way. It's a pretty awesome deal as well. 20 watt amp, jet black bass guitar, they tune it for you and everything, and I get a load of stuff with it. Awesomeness. The great thing is, my parents threw in some money to help me get it since it was kinda outta my price range. LOL. They kinda owed me, since they didn't get my anything for my b'day cuz they were too 'busy.' I guess us being on a plane for 10 hours counts as something. But yet, everyone else, including some other members of my family who were there with me actually considered this and managed to get me cards and whatever.

Ironic my own parents didn't bother.

But yeh, I guess it's all good in the end if they get me something like this, neh?

OH. And yeh, I've decided me and my best mate are drifting apart solely for the one reason that whenever she hangs out with her crowd, she's 'apparently' a completely different person. *le shrugs* That's what one of my friends said about her anyways.

Am in love with 3 Days Grace - I hate everything about you. I'd never heard it before, and this morning I switched on Kerrang and caught the last 15-20 seconds of the song and was so...blown away, I had to listen to all of it. So there I went, writing on a random post-it to remind myself after school. Whoop. The song...strangely enough...reminds me of something to do with Nirvana. *shrugs*

Hate school. My life there sucks. The only good thing is friends, I swear. I know, I have plans and all that shit, but looking at it makes me feel so damn tired. I just don't know what I want to do, and future plans really scares me.

I'm in the mood for watching Nightmare Before Christmas oooor The Lost Boys. Knowing me, I'll end up watching Bill and Ted tomorrow.

Wow. This is practically my first post....since...forever. LOL. 

But yeh, I didn't die on the plane over to Vegas, obviously. Those two weeks in America weren't that bad after all. I gotta admit, looking back on it now, it feels like I spent at least 3/4's of the holiday completely depressed. And it's kinda true. For most of it, I missed my friends so goddamn badly, I really just couldn't take it, and considered slyly slipping away from my family and getting a plane ticket back home. It was bad.

But yeh. Along the way I saw a lot of cool stuff. It was kinda ruined, because it was just the few weird glances I'd get when we were going through cowboy towns and stuff; they'd obviously never seen an emo or whatever before. Maybe I was a shock to their lifestyle or something, lol.

I can totally admit, that I only REALLY ever enjoyed the holiday during the last few days. We spent them in Vegas. We stayed at the Luxor hotel, that big pyramid thing that has the sphinx right outside it's entrance. BEST hotel EVER. Seriously. I'd dreamt of going to stay there, but when we actually did, it was so much more awesome than I'd expected.

LAX (Luxor's new nightclub) was getting opened on one of the nights we were staying there, so I had Britney Spears in the hotel opening it, lol. Kinda wrong, and BLEH, I didn't wanna be anyway near her. Hate that woman. XD 

But OMG, we had Good Charlotte and Justin Timberlake playing a show in the hotel next door (think it was called Mandalay Bay...?) That made me a feel a little better.

But you know what completely ruined my life when I got back home eventually? FIVE days, ONLY FIVE DAYS after we left, you know who went and partied at LAX??

*hyperventilates and cries hysterically in disbelief*

FALL OUT BOY.

They were there. At the hotel I'D stayed at. FIVE days after I'd gone. *just about dies* I can't believe I came so close to being there when they were there. When I saw pictures of them at LAX on the internet, I was in so much shock, my friend had to comfort me, lol. The photos just made me sad, cause the board thingie they have behind them, I SAW being made and put up near the entrance of the hotel. I guess I better get over this....maybe I will...one day...

Moving swiftly onwards.

I'm back at school. Have been for about a week and a half. It sucks. But doesn't school in general suck? I can safely say I have no clue what I want to be when I'm older. And I don't wanna admit it, but just typing this stuff down makes me feel slightly better, so even if I am feeling kinda depressed lately, I guess I should post more often, lol.

Drama makes me feel more energetic and stuff. And I'm regretting not taking music. Which could explain my recent obsession that I'm determined to begin.

I wanna play bass guitar, and my parents seem dead-set against me buying one. It's okay though, I'm gonna get one anyway. They can't stop me from using my own fucking money on something I'm willing to buy and try. 

Recently, I just can't stop listening to new music and I've always got tunes and beats stuck in my head. It's getting to the point where I can't concentrate in lessons properly, because I'm always humming something, or wondering about gigs and stuff. It's got me kinda worried, and I think my parents hate me for it (note they aren't overly musical.) 

I dunno what it is. But even now I'm itching to get my hands on a bass and start learning. I'm fucking determined. I have a mate near mine who plays guitar, and my other friend is gonna be learning the drums soon, so we all reckon we could hang out and help each other and practise.

It sounds like a pretty awesome idea. And...I dunno, I just wanna be able to get away from my entire family and focus on something. I can't focus on school anymore like I used to, and everything else sucks, so I'm so entirely ready to try out something new and different. It's got me excited, what can I say?

Onto normal everyday life then...

My school days suck. This is random, but I just kind of realised me and a few friends have been talking about drugs so often...ya know, I'm surprised we haven't tried anything. Not that I wanna. As Dave Grohl so mildly puts it "Don't do drugs, kids; it's not cool."

I find myself questioning that sometimes. It's also those times when I freak myself out a little. *shuts self up*

Plus note : I got two new hats on holiday. They're pretty awesome. One's grey and made out of denim, and the other is black and has a rose sewn on one side with 3 silver rings pierced onto the other side of the hat.

Being in Year 10 has a it's plus side. I started realising that maybe the funny looks we get from midget chavs are only there because a) they're haters of people who had good taste in music or b) they fear us. 

I'm hoping it's the second one. It makes us feel like we actually have power over them, as weird and slightly random as that sounds, lol. It's pretty kewl.

I'm allowed posters up on my wall now. So long as my bedroom door is always closed, lmfao. I have MCR, FOB, Guns N Roses, HIM, Nightmare Before Xmas, The Used, Madina Lake, etc. *is happy*

I'm gonna go now. Will probs think of something else to post laters.

...


...


Oh my god. Fuck. Dammit.

I've just learnt that technically, I'm going on holiday TOMORROW evening.

*dies*

How come I'm so clueless when it comes to these things? My family never mentioned this. Or maybe they did, and I just didn't hear them properly. 

Probably the latter.

They really shouldn't talk to me when I have earphones on.

*hits wall*

So much stuff to do, so little time. IT SUCKS TO BE ME.

Yeh, I'm so chuffed with my newest addition to my wardrobe: My MCR shirt. It's rather stylish, lol. Marching band and skeletons, all that jazz. Gotta love it. 

And I'm seriously starting to loathe my friend's parents. We went round her place the other day, and were just completely ignored by them. Kinda rude. But yeh, even if they had talked to me, I probably wouldn't have answered them, so we're even in that sense.

Wow. I've downloaded so many songs off limewire now, it's getting kind of weird, 'cause my music collection has just significantly improved but I've got so many artists and tracks, it takes aaaages to sort through them. I blame my friend for hooking me onto that Gym Class Heroes song...clothes off... She just generally heard it, and now the song stalks us wherever we go, and I only downloaded it because of Patrick Stump and his frickin amazing voice.

ARGH. And that Biffy Clyro song! Gawd, that song really must be following us. I can't remember what its called...something like...folding stars? I dunno. That might be it. I guess if I watch Kerrang for most of today it'll come on a couple of hundred times like it usually does.

But yeh. I better stop myself from getting hyped up about music and songs now, otherwise I'll go on forever.

...

I'm fucking dreading my holiday. I seriously am. Yesterday was the last day I could spend with my mates before I have to get ready and pack to go away. I just wanna cry, because the holiday is going to last for two weeks *screams* and once those two weeks are over, I've got to come back home (on my b'day, which sucks) and then I only have 2 more free days before it's back to school, and back to chavs, and back to work and GCSE's, and sucky teachers, and homework, and no freedom.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm scared of getting all responsible and caught up in those consistent days at school. Every day is the same, you just get so sick of it after a while. It's like, what the hell, because your lives just go around in this endless loop of work and essays. BLEH. I just want to do something recklessly impulsive and see what happens.

I guess my birthday'll be okay. Hopefully. I doubt there's gonna be any celebrations or whatever, considering I'll be on a plane for 10 hours until we get back to Gatwick. God, I hate planes and their damn aeroplane food. But yeh. All I want from my family is music, music, MUSIC, and of course, music. And posters and money. That'll keep me happy.

Oh, and hey, in the Simpsons movie, when Marge is all like 'No, Lisa, doomsday is family time...' I kinda realised that hell, if there was a doomsday, I'd prefer dying around my friends. I mean, seriously, wouldn't you? It'd be so depressing if you were surrounded by your family, and at least with your friends you can have a good time and go out with a bang or whatever. I don't get why people say you should die around your family. Bit over-dramatic. Or maybe a little selfish on the family's part.

OMG.

I really want to go see Avenue Q. I just, kinda realised, that all these songs I've heard of before, like 'If you were gay' and 'It sucks to be me' are all from the same musical. *bounces* It looks so cool! I think if it still shows, I'll drag my mates along with me.

Last Note: Alien Ant Farm - Movies is officially the song I'm hooked on this morning. Normally it's RHCP Dani California. Weird.

What turned out to be a pretty kewl day with my mates has fucking turned into a disaster. Okay, so fair enough, we had fun for the majority of the day. I went to Virgin, didn't buy any albums but bought a stylish MCR shirt, lol. Me and my two mates spent like, an hour or so in there, and one of them got this great FOB poster, but yeh...

Anyway, we hung around and stuff. Ate sweets. Got hyper and felt like we were high. Annoyed people. Sung to some FOB songs as we walked back to one of my friend's houses, and then watched Kerrang and Scuzz for the rest of the day. We chilled, yeh?

But GOD. One of my friends, the one person I've been speaking to for weeks now over msn, and hanging around with, she's having some fucking bad issues with her family. They are so fucking evil and horrible, I just hate them so goddamn much. They snap her CD's and stuff. I can't believe how bad they can get towards her. So fucking unfair. And now she's on the brink of either leaving home or doing something baaad, and I don't wanna even think about what she might do. I'm so damn worried.

I think all our families talk to each other behind our backs and plot against us. Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised if they did. I just can't get over the fact that they can be so nasty towards us, even when we generally haven't done anything. I don't think I have anger issues, but this is getting me so worked up.

I guess all we can do is hang around each other and ignore them and try to forget they exist sometimes. I'm looking forward to college if I get in, cause we all wanna go to the same place and move in together. Sounds fun. And at least we get to taste more freedom like that, lmao.

But yeh. I'm going to go talk to my friends as well as do the whole teenage angst thing.

LOL, I'm only posting this for the sake of posting it because I kinda doubt that I'm ever really going to write in this journal at this time again. I mean, urgh, it's morning. Admittedly, I should still be in bed or listening to music in bed, or watching TV in bed, lol, but hey...friends are more important.

I've spent sometime thinking about work experience as well, which sucks. I think I'm going to try and go for the dramatic side of things, maybe go work backstage at a nearby theatre or something. If not, I'm kind of doomed, 'cause there's not much else around this area that appeals to me. Oh well. Pray for me, I might actually be able to get what I want if I'm lucky enough...

AH. Doorbell. Gotta go.

Okay, I'm getting sick of this now. I mean, first-time round, I dealt with it. But being forced down to the beach, a second time? Gawd, my family really must hate me or consider me to be 'too fucking emo.' I think all of my family refer to me as the odd one out. I just don't care really. 

But hey, good news, I'm going to spend most of the day tomorrow in Virgin or something listening to music and musing over band posters with my mates. Definitely something to look forward to. I'm going to dig around through a few albums. There's some Nirvana stuff I wanna get, as well as a couple of Smashing Pumpkins CD's I needa get my hands on. 

My MCR hoodie is officially my fave item of clothing. I'm going to worship it everyday, lol.

Sitting by your window, wondering why,

Colours change but you stay grey

Talking, buzzing in your ears. Never-ending noise.

Shutting it off takes effort.

Secluded is your middle name. Anti-social is your first.

Faces watch you. Ignoring their suspicious expressions helps.

Feel like letting it all out. Things build up inside of you. Emotions.

Can’t talk to anyone. Can’t relate.

Submerging yourself in this hole inside becomes a hobby.

The world stops when you do.  

I'm weird. I know. Don't label me as an emo just yet. I just wanted to type something, and I wasn't even thinking straight. That's just what flashed up on the screen everytime one of my fingers hit a key. Heh. Good times.

Aaaaand, here I am. With my a-mazing new journal. Ooohhh. Aaahh. You know what? I seriously should have an online audience or something? That'd be so cool. In fact, maybe I should track down some people to entertain. But hell, I'm not that much of an entertainer. Damn.

But yeh.

God, there are so many FOB and MCR fics on this site, I'm going to spend the rest of my life worshipping every person who's written one. I'll probably end up writing one myself, but yeh, I've already started, like, four or five different ones, so maybe I should finish them and post them...

To anyone who might be reading this : I LOVE THE SIMPSONS MOVIE. 

Had to get that out of my system. Cuz it's true. That movie is awesome. With a capital a. So maybe I should retype that...

That movie is Awesome. If you haven't seen it, go, right now, with some mates, take over the back row at the cinema, throw popcorn at people and laugh your ass off. It's the best way of having a good time, I assure you. Yeh, I'm addicted to movies. Whoop for me!

But yeh. I'm also addicted to music. The good kind. Not the chavvy R&B crap, or the dance and techno stuff. I like real stuff, guitar solos, loud drumbeats, strong bass, etc. My fave bands at the moment? Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, The Used, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Panic! At The Disco, Feeder, Green Day, 30 Seconds To Mars, Hinder, Linkin Park, Muse, Nickelback, Smashing Pumpkins, Stone Sour, etc. 

I generally like Friday's but this one sucked. I'm not gonna go into details, but I've decided I'm definitely not a beach person. It kills my muse, being crowded by chavs and people burning under the sun. Urgh. I spent hours and hours being forced down there being the only person on the entire beach wearing black and a hoodie. And probably the only person listening to music as well. Life can suck a lot, but that just emphasizes everything.

Am gonna burn a few CD's, listen to Kerrang, etc.